akirakirai's avatar

akirakirai

30.2K
Watchers
85 Deviations
872.9K
Pageviews
Long time no see, right?

I'm so sorry that I disappeared for quite a long time without letting anyone know what's been going on. For the past few years, I struggled with trying to finish college while battling some severe mental instabilities. My health had gotten so bad that I almost completely stopped posting on the internet. I even stopped drawing for a few years. These past few years, I would peek in on my DA account and the moment I noticed all my notes and messages piling up I would start feeling an anxiety attack come up and I would immediately log out. The same would be for school, I was reminded often by teachers that I wasn't "the Alex that they remember" and whenever I stepped foot in school I would start hyperventilating.

Fast forward to a few months ago, I finally received proper help from doctors with an accurate diagnosis and have been improving my mental stability quite steadily. I got a job as an instructor at a painting studio in a few locations... I finally had the courage to talk to my school and give them a piece of my mind as well as getting the courage to open DA and, well, talk to all of you :)

As for the diagnosis, we finally concluded that I have obsessive compulsive disorder (pure-o) with BPD tendencies. It made me laugh because I always thought OCD was for "clean people" and then I realized it was so much more serious. I looked through my black and white emotion drawings in my gallery and felt even stronger. If it weren't for drawing and sharing these emotions with you guys, I wouldn't be the person I am now.

I am slowly going through my notes and trying to reimburse those who've been so patient waiting for commissions from me in the past (if I still haven't finished your commission, please note me and I will refund you), and am taking time to look at the nice things everyone else has sent me.

It's nice to see you all and I hope you guys still remember me! I apologize but due to the HUGE 3 YEAR BACKUP of messages, I may have to clear them to be able to navigate through DA clearly - if there was something super important you needed from me please don't hesitate to send me a new message!
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hi my friends and followers! I will be posting new artworks that I'd been working on in my new instagram account @ instagram.com/akirakirai (account = akirakirai)
With artworks I'll also be posting some works of my love for makeup artistry...and some selfies smashed in there too LOL

I know that many of you have been worried about me and I truly do miss posting works here and catching up with you guys. As of this past year my life has been very turbulent. I am not afraid to tell you guys who I am now... For most of my life I'd been struggling with depression due to a certain mental illness that wasn't diagnosed correctly until this year - borderline personality disorder & adhd. While it has always felt like a curse that I've been bestowed such an illness, I've recently accepted that I am who I am and that everything happens for a reason. I think that curse is also my greatest blessing - I feel so strongly and if it weren't for the illness, I wouldn't be the artist I now am today. Along with feeling such strong sadness, anger and pain, I love intensely and I care extensively. I think having this "problem" has given me the blessing of being able to experience such a wide range of emotions to such an extent that I feel compelled enough to draw them. I yearn to reach out to those who feel alone and let them know that they certainly aren't.

I've been struggling with an extreme conflict between myself and who I truly want to be. A few days ago, I stayed up the entire night rethinking myself and reality. I don't want to draw "for a living". I want drawing to be my own special hobby - something that I can find a release in. As of now, that hasn't been true. I can't think about drawing without feeling guilty or associating it with work. When I think of drawing for myself or drawing how I feel, I would stop myself because I feel as though I have "better things to do" and I ought to be drawing for those companies instead. It has been making me miserable...
I don't want this. I want art to be my escape. I want my art to reflect the desire I truly have for it.
While drawing for a living/as a job is ideal for those who are talented in it, it is not for me. Because of realizing this, I'd been struggling with an odd mix of depression and hope for the future. Depression because I felt that I had failed everyone and myself who I thought I should be, but hope because I now know who I want to become. I don't want to live a life that is made by others' expectations of me... I want to form my own life that I find true happiness in. I think I need to remember to be kind to myself - I only have this one life and I shouldn't spend it lying to myself.
That isn't to say that I'm not going to conventions or won't take side work - I love conventions and meeting those who are just as passionate as I am about the things I love!

lies by akirakirai Remember this drawing?

Thank you so much for following me and continuing to support me. I promise to keep drawing because it's my strongest and most vivid passion in my life.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I just wanted to say that I'm so very sorry for not having posted anything in half a year. Long story short, I have been extremely.. EXTREMELY busy. I honestly haven't been able to draw 6 months and it is killing me. I want to draw -- it is my life -- however, it's my last year of college and I really have to focus on being successful in my last year which is so difficult with my job and upcoming internship :( I know that I should at least take some time out for drawing but I'm so terribly busy, it gives me that feeling that I shouldn't, that I have more important things to finish and while I know that's not true it still gives me that guilty feeling.

I also apologize that I haven't been able to respond to you guys little to at all. I have only been able to check my page once to a few times a week but I really do read everything.

I feel very deprived of not being able to draw and I feel sad to see my page getting deserted. But I promise, PINKY PROMISE, that I have a new drawing coming up very soon. I have it finished and drew it a few days ago.. Please anticipate it!

For those that are still there for me, thank you very much for sticking by and patiently waiting for me. Drawing is my therapy and has guided me through my deepest problems and I truly hope that over this time you've felt how I felt through my pieces. It's what means most to me.

Thank you sincerely for the 30,000+ watchers and please wait for my upcoming pics! I hope to become much more active again :)
I hope you guys enjoy my future works!

-Aki


Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
First time in 2 years I open commissions :') And this will most likely be the last time I open commissions for a long time, too.

It's really important that I raise money during this time -- any help I would be so grateful for, thank you very much!
These, I'm charging less than my business prices :)

SLOTS
1. GeneraIShy (paid)
2. redskullrudd (paid)
3. Denshia (paid)
4. Moreatari (paid)
5. Cinnanom (paid)
6. ZeroForever (paid)
7. emeraldmoonset (paid)
8. mikephifer (paid)
9. Dude980
10. dloz


:star: DISCLAIMER & GENERAL RULES :star:

★ ALL payments should be made before I start the artwork.
☆ These commissions are all for personal use only. Do not reproduce or resell. Credit me.
★ As I know my prices are higher, all prices stated below already include the paypal fee.
☆ If you do not use the order form provided at the end of the journal, I may not consider your request.
★The more references you give, the closer I will be able to give you the request you desire.
☆ I will not do point commissions at this time around.
☆ Please remember that I am human as well. My time is not free and things come up in my life which effect my work flow. The finished product may take a shorter or longer time than expected depending on my current situation.

Why do I price my work the way I did? Working on a commission takes time.  Time I could be spending on college, my full time job, and social life.  My time is so scarce lately and a commission can range from 30min to 20hours for me. While I would LOVE to offer cheaper commissions, I can not afford to price myself at such that I end up not even wanting to do the commission in the end. I want to make sure that I am motivated to do your work and am confident that you will love your work.


:star: PENCIL COMMISSION :star:

★ Extra character = x2 original price
★ Send original drawing to you over mail = chibi and simple +$5.00 USD / detailed + $10.00 USD (usually on small 5"x8" paper)
★ I will send you one printable 300dpi file and one web-view file (JPG).

CHIBI

• $10.00 USD
☆ No background

SIMPLE
Holiday Sketch Batch by akirakirai
• Portrait/Bust: $15.00 USD
• Waist: $25.00 USD
• Fullbody: $40.00 USD
☆ No background

DETAILED
lies by akirakirai Emptiness by akirakirai Please... by akirakirai + DEEP + by akirakirai
• Portrait/Bust: $25.00 USD
• Waist: $40.00 USD
• Fullbody: $75.00 USD
☆ None to simple background

:star: COLORED COMMISSION :star:

★ Extra character = x2 original price
★ I will send you one printable 300dpi file and one webview file.


COLORED, NONE-SIMPLE BACKGROUND
OC Quick Sketch CG by akirakirai + To be Different + by akirakirai
• Portrait/Bust: $40.00 USD ($50 with simple BG)
• Waist: $75.00 USD ($85 with simple BG)
• Fullbody: $130.00 USD ($145 with simple BG)

COLORED, DETAILED BACKGROUND
'It's okay' by akirakirai Creating Reality by akirakirai + An Illusion + by akirakirai + Sanctuary + by akirakirai + No Pain + by akirakirai Sailor Senshi! [quickpaint] by akirakirai
• Portrait/Bust: $90.00 USD
• Waist: $150.00 USD
• FB: Must be discussed


:star: ORDERING :star:

Please note me if you want a commission!
1. Name the note with "Commission" in the title.
2. Copy and paste and FILL OUT THE FORM BELOW.
3. If I accept, I will give you my paypal email, and you will send the payment upfront.

ORDER FORM
Username: (insert username here)
Paypal Email: (insert paypal email here)
References: (insert pictures/description of character you want drawn)
Style: (chibi pencil, head pencil, waist cg, etc)
Extra: (pose ideas/information about your character)
Total Payment: (prices already include paypal fee)


Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hello,

Thank you very much for supporting me during my very busy times. Please visit my FB page and  hit LIKE if you like my art! pretty please :iconbigheartplz:


www.facebook.com/akirakirai www.facebook.com/akirakirai www.facebook.com/akirakirai
www.facebook.com/akirakirai www.facebook.com/akirakirai www.facebook.com/akirakirai
www.facebook.com/akirakirai www.facebook.com/akirakirai www.facebook.com/akirakirai
Thank you so much! It means a lot to me :icondragonhugplz:

I will also update artwork there and the most recent cons I'll be going to, etc ^^ I might update it more often than deviantart :0
I'll most likely post my tutorials there instead of here on deviantArt for personal reasons, since I'm always on FaceBook way more often than DA :)

BTW, I will be attending New York Comic Con at the artist alley, I'll be pleased to meet whoever will be attending as well! :heart: Just let me know if you'll be there so I can meet you!

On another note, how have you all been doing? I really miss speaking to you guys but I never really have the chance because of RL :(

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Hello guys... :) by akirakirai, journal

Will be posting art on instagram now + update by akirakirai, journal

..Hi guys! Reason I have been dead by akirakirai, journal

COMMISSIONS [CLOSED] by akirakirai, journal

plz visit my FB page! by akirakirai, journal